I have heard many people say they had a praying grandmother. Looking back over my life, I am sure that I had two praying grandmothers, and a host of others praying for me also. One thing I am sure of is the fact that prayer and faith will see you through. My mother was a hard working woman who believed in God, herself, and prayer. She and my father taught my sister and myself positive things. Mom always taught us to believe that we were special. She would always remind us that we were not just little black girls, but that we were God's children and that carried a lot of weight. We were taught to believe that we were as good as any other person and could achieve whatever we wanted. Mom helped us to believe in ourselves. No one was any better than us and we were no better than anyone else. I held onto that through my entire life.
Many storms came into my life. I was a teen mother at sixteen, a widow with two children at age 28, and an addict at age 30. Much of my young adult life was destroyed by my drug and alcohol use. I made some very bad choices, had many bad and abusive relationships. Addiction had taken me from being prom queen in high school to being a dope fiend at forty years old. My vicious cycle continued for many years. I felt lost, scared and broken. I was the living dead, but I held on to the words my Mom used to say, "You are God's child." Even while caught up in the grips of substances that took me places I never dreamed of going, and today never wish to return to, I found a little hope that I was God's child and God could save me from this living hell. At forty-three, I asked God to help me and became willing to help myself. God being the loving and caring Father that He is, guided me to someone who could help me get my life back on track.
I went into a program of recovery, got back connected with my church, and got into a 12-step program. My whole life changed. I was now able to make some better choices. One of those was to go to college and get a degree. I want to be able to give back to others in need. In fall of 2002, I entered my first day of college. It was Ms. Hall's Math 02 class at the TCC-Norfolk campus. This was a proud and scary moment for me. I will never forget that day. I never liked school as a child, but that day I was ready to face my new life. I was so grateful to be able to learn after what I had put myself through. I am thankful that God doesn't give up on His children. No matter who you are or what your addiction, affliction, disposition, or condition, it is never too late to make a different choice. So if you are feeling oppressed, suppressed, depressed, frustrated, alienated, degraded, lost, lonely, late, too old, too young, too fat, too thin, unwanted, undeserving, or unprepared, as long as you are not unwilling , your God can bring you through.
If you are struggling and need help, strength, courage, love, or a new start in life, ask for help. There is no better time than the present. You are never too old or too young to get started. Find your place and let God help you. I still struggle with some of my classes and my time management but it is worth every struggle. I feel alive again. Being in the Open Door Project helps me to not be so fearful. There is always a caring heart and a warm smile to help guide me or to just listen. It's not where you have been that counts, but where you want to go.
I am a student, a mom, a grandmother, a business owner, a full-time employee counseling others, and I've been clean and sober for five and a half years. I was ashamed of my past. I know I had to go where I went to be able to let someone else know how not to do the same things. Much love to all who have struggled and made it through. To those who continue to struggle, hold on and you too will make it through. Your God will send you angels to help carry you. |
